A young woman sits at her box window seat of her room, a note pad in her lap, a pencil in her hand, and yet she isn't looking at it.. she has her light hazel eyes looking at the trees outside her window, covered in now melting snow.. a few birds play on the branch, singing to each other in love... her forehead sets against the glass lightly as she watches this dance, the pencil still held tight in her hand, posed for marking the page under it's lead point...
Her blondish-red hair flows from a hair clip, over her shoulders, playing lightly around her face.. her face... touched with sadness... something plagues her mind... her mind in confusion..
slowly her eyes turn to the page and she sets the pencil in motion... --
Dearest of my Heart,
I've no clue how to start, how I'll finish or even what I'll say.. I do not have the words in my heart to even begin to understand the words in my soul. I have not the courage to tell you how much I love you anymore, I've not the strength to understand if I should... I fear that if I do say it, it will only become banked in a part of you that won't be opened again... What can I say to understand everything about you? Your thoughts, feelings... They seem a mystery to me now. It hurts me to hear some of the things you say, though not directed at me. Maybe I shouldn't speak at all... You know what is good for me, don't you?
-- she stops a moment to wipe a tear from her eye and sigh. Before beginning again she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.. upon opening them again she continues her pencil work --
I was thinking about David today.. How much I wish he was here to see me now. To see how much I've grown.. Then again if he was here, I suppose I wouldn't have you? Why is it I don't know the words now.. why?
-- She growls in fury and throws the notepad off her lap with the pencil, then curls up to cry into her knees..
Can I never do anything right when I need to? Why does it end up confusing and painful?
She holds her legs to her chest and softly cries into her knees, hoping for the ache to disappear.. the ache of loneliness... the ache of almost abandonment... The searing tears wake her senses to everything around her... the open window letting the soft new spring breeze in to cool her back.. the new swollen cuts on her arms... the music playing on her radio... Everything was pounding at her... wanting her to pay attention... slowly she moves herself to the floor where she kept her teddies, her collection of teddies.. the best friends who were warm for her... she jus' curls up, closes her eyes and lets the warmth of her teddies overtake her... and she sleeps --
Her blondish-red hair flows from a hair clip, over her shoulders, playing lightly around her face.. her face... touched with sadness... something plagues her mind... her mind in confusion..
slowly her eyes turn to the page and she sets the pencil in motion... --
Dearest of my Heart,
I've no clue how to start, how I'll finish or even what I'll say.. I do not have the words in my heart to even begin to understand the words in my soul. I have not the courage to tell you how much I love you anymore, I've not the strength to understand if I should... I fear that if I do say it, it will only become banked in a part of you that won't be opened again... What can I say to understand everything about you? Your thoughts, feelings... They seem a mystery to me now. It hurts me to hear some of the things you say, though not directed at me. Maybe I shouldn't speak at all... You know what is good for me, don't you?
-- she stops a moment to wipe a tear from her eye and sigh. Before beginning again she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.. upon opening them again she continues her pencil work --
I was thinking about David today.. How much I wish he was here to see me now. To see how much I've grown.. Then again if he was here, I suppose I wouldn't have you? Why is it I don't know the words now.. why?
-- She growls in fury and throws the notepad off her lap with the pencil, then curls up to cry into her knees..
Can I never do anything right when I need to? Why does it end up confusing and painful?
She holds her legs to her chest and softly cries into her knees, hoping for the ache to disappear.. the ache of loneliness... the ache of almost abandonment... The searing tears wake her senses to everything around her... the open window letting the soft new spring breeze in to cool her back.. the new swollen cuts on her arms... the music playing on her radio... Everything was pounding at her... wanting her to pay attention... slowly she moves herself to the floor where she kept her teddies, her collection of teddies.. the best friends who were warm for her... she jus' curls up, closes her eyes and lets the warmth of her teddies overtake her... and she sleeps --