Gist of the story - Jay is moving and the rest of us are staying...
OK! So Jay has to finish school (Yay for him!) but he has been bugging about making us all move on no money/no plan and it was a definite NO go!... NOW - He filled out stuff for student housing and will move as soon as End of March to start beginning of April. here's the dealio I see ::::: He moves away, I have not only four kids alone in a motel room.. but school work and WORK work to keep up.. and Unless wrestling IS done April 3rd, I have that to worry about as well... Getting kids to and from school - NO Big Deal for me at this point - we had to buy a vehicle to replace the truck and got a mini van so shopping and driving around NO Prob anymore... Boundary I am setting up the day Jay starts down there - If he doesn't do it, drops out, quits a job and wants to move back with nothing to show for our money going in - he isn't allowed... I can't do it. he can not come home and not try to do something to make this family better because I can only do so much myself right now and without HIS help here, we... WE cannot do it together. Without him ::: I... can't say.. I wish i could. I'm void of feeling and thought.. and until this happens I will do my best to get through it and find the best way to deal. At this point I am living it day to day. It is all i can do... all I want to do. I grew up in a single father home with three siblings always knowing not to ask for much but being thankful for what I did have. I wasn't easy as a child, I know I wasn't so I don't exactly expect my own spawn to be little angels of delite all the time. Giving into this idea that my kids are the best, cutest, smartest of all kids I ever knew or will know is only going to cause others to dislike me and even future grandkids (heck maybe my own at a time) to have stories on how I am not the go to grandma....
I am not completely sure where this rant is going but I have realized I cannot continue to be like this... i need to take serious my kids' feelings no matter their age or emotions at the time. I can only strive to do so better from now on... and it is hard now not knowing what will cause a breakdown, a freakout, tantrums... but to take that situation and try to dull it down and calm it is my job... as a mom... |
Jen DI will try to write daily but I will definitely get a blog post in weekly between kids, work, school, and life in general. Archives
April 2016
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