So as of today, Jason will be leaving to move in 17 days... And the past few days ---- nah the whole last week has been horrible ~ Two things:
1) I was sick, head bursting, throat hurting, ears ringing in pain and yet I still took my boys to school, got zizi to school, and even worked a few hours one day...
2) Jay has been on a rampage to get pain pills from the drs all week since tuesday (monday, our primary doesn't work)... as of Friday he was getting so far to the point of getting nothing that he was yelling at me as if I did something to fuck it up - as usual i guess.
Long story short - Neuro Dr doesn't prescribe pain meds (we couldn't drive down to pick up the script anyways) so he would call primary to ask her to write it because the neuro dr said to apparently (though my version is more like it was him asking if he should and them saying "yeah sure go ahead" NOT "She needs to" type deal) - So all week it was this or that about something here or there or not anywhere.
Now - with 17 days left before he leaves - he's all freaking out cuz kids aren't listening - he won't get off his ass to help or do anything unless it's for himself - he is complaining about a headache YET will listen to music with earbuds loud enough for ME to understand it! WTH!
He is constantly telling the kids we are canceling our whole "family" trip to drop him off because they aren't doing anything and even got to a point that because I didn't say or do something to comfort him he was gonna cancel it too. like really? really???
In other worlds::: I'm not doin the best in school but being as stressed and run down as I have been since Jay started this whole bang of moving idea - it's hard to stay motivated and going and up... I feel so trapped in this whole idea of having to figure ALL of this out myself because HE doesn't have ONE clue - you can't just up and move without plans, a place to live, MONEY... I make 6k a year atm.. 8 an hr... even with ssi, we can't just move without saving some... tax money is gone - if we didn't have to buy his wrestling shit he wanted because he was gonna train with the boys n'shit, we'd have an extra $100 in the bank... if we didn't have to pay for his god damn porn/dating site b.s. we'd have nother $50 ... not to mention the fucking crap he THINKs he has to buy just to move in.. a sheet and blanket set (sheets yes, Blanket NO) - towels (I told him we had extras, i know where they are, we would just have to wash them up... no, new ones only) .... It's like he doesn't care he is basically leaving us with close to NOTHING to work with!
April - I start putting aside money - without him smoking and chewing, thats another $100 back into the bank - without the coffee he thinks he needs, or energy drinks, another $50-60 bucks. - And the FOOD! OMG I can buy food that will last - i have like 30 boxes of mac n cheese that I can do a million things with for dinners - SAVE!
And the time I will get to be alone - fully and truely ALONE - without the problem of being told to take of clothes and lay down, being told there won't be sex, then basically having to have a fight over the fact he is tryin anywyas regardless what he says or the fact i said NO to begin with OR just giving in anyways... being ALONE... to nap, read, game.... alone... meditate
alone is something I haven't had in over 10 years .... I am.. looking forward to it.
1) I was sick, head bursting, throat hurting, ears ringing in pain and yet I still took my boys to school, got zizi to school, and even worked a few hours one day...
2) Jay has been on a rampage to get pain pills from the drs all week since tuesday (monday, our primary doesn't work)... as of Friday he was getting so far to the point of getting nothing that he was yelling at me as if I did something to fuck it up - as usual i guess.
Long story short - Neuro Dr doesn't prescribe pain meds (we couldn't drive down to pick up the script anyways) so he would call primary to ask her to write it because the neuro dr said to apparently (though my version is more like it was him asking if he should and them saying "yeah sure go ahead" NOT "She needs to" type deal) - So all week it was this or that about something here or there or not anywhere.
Now - with 17 days left before he leaves - he's all freaking out cuz kids aren't listening - he won't get off his ass to help or do anything unless it's for himself - he is complaining about a headache YET will listen to music with earbuds loud enough for ME to understand it! WTH!
He is constantly telling the kids we are canceling our whole "family" trip to drop him off because they aren't doing anything and even got to a point that because I didn't say or do something to comfort him he was gonna cancel it too. like really? really???
In other worlds::: I'm not doin the best in school but being as stressed and run down as I have been since Jay started this whole bang of moving idea - it's hard to stay motivated and going and up... I feel so trapped in this whole idea of having to figure ALL of this out myself because HE doesn't have ONE clue - you can't just up and move without plans, a place to live, MONEY... I make 6k a year atm.. 8 an hr... even with ssi, we can't just move without saving some... tax money is gone - if we didn't have to buy his wrestling shit he wanted because he was gonna train with the boys n'shit, we'd have an extra $100 in the bank... if we didn't have to pay for his god damn porn/dating site b.s. we'd have nother $50 ... not to mention the fucking crap he THINKs he has to buy just to move in.. a sheet and blanket set (sheets yes, Blanket NO) - towels (I told him we had extras, i know where they are, we would just have to wash them up... no, new ones only) .... It's like he doesn't care he is basically leaving us with close to NOTHING to work with!
April - I start putting aside money - without him smoking and chewing, thats another $100 back into the bank - without the coffee he thinks he needs, or energy drinks, another $50-60 bucks. - And the FOOD! OMG I can buy food that will last - i have like 30 boxes of mac n cheese that I can do a million things with for dinners - SAVE!
And the time I will get to be alone - fully and truely ALONE - without the problem of being told to take of clothes and lay down, being told there won't be sex, then basically having to have a fight over the fact he is tryin anywyas regardless what he says or the fact i said NO to begin with OR just giving in anyways... being ALONE... to nap, read, game.... alone... meditate
alone is something I haven't had in over 10 years .... I am.. looking forward to it.